I don't know if it's just because I don't have work to think about or if I'm just getting more observant in my age, but I'm noticing so many things lately. The color of toe nail polish, the presence of rings on fingers, the expertise of hair dye jobs. I notice people having 'silent' arguments in coffee shops and grocery stores. I see false smiles a mile away. I can't help but wonder where I fit in to all of this.
It all seems a bit absurd, but I'm noticing all these little things I haven't noticed before. I was having breakfast with my daughter yesterday morning at the Varsity Restaurant on NE 65th (very good french toast) and noticed a man and a woman come in. They were lovey-dovey from the get-go. She was pregnant and they proceeded to seat themselves and faun over each other the entire time. Sweet? Annoying? I'm not sure.
The other day, I'm driving down Lake City Way and this huge boat of a car pulls up along next to me and this elderly man and woman are sitting up front. Man driving, woman smiling. Chatting away, but the odd thing was the man wearing a cap with a large bill, but in addition to this bill, he clipped, with clothes pins, a piece of cardboard to further keep the sun out of his face. Really? It made me smile because at that age I guess who gives a f#@k who see what, right?
So today, I'm on a mission to find fiber-fill for a stuffed toy I'm knitting for my niece and find myself eye-spying a mom and her two rug rats. Cute rug rats...and the boy pipes up and asks..."What if ghosts wore underwear?" I swear, I have material to last me for a lifetime if I were to just keep my ears opened to all that goes on around me. It made me chuckle and hence become blog-worthy.
On the job front, not a single call or email and I'm well into my fifth month. It's hard staying positive. I'm tired, restless and just not very pleasing to be around. My daughter is on the verge of disowning me. See, we live in a 650 square foot apartment with one bedroom. Guess who gets the bedroom? You got it, the 14-year-old. So Mom gets what? A bed stuffed into the living room and absolutely no private time with my thoughts. Forgive me for being a little cranky...
I filled out the FAFSA (financial aid) form online last Friday and sent my app to Seattle Central, so it's just a waiting game for a bit. If I don't get the financial aid to live on and go back to school, I will just have to keep searching for a job and forget the whole Master's Degree. I'm walking in the muck and mire of life right now. I'm making it; but desperation is never pretty.
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