Quote for the Weekend

"How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss, and all was said." ~Victor Hugo

Signs

Things have been happening to me a bit too easily lately. My apartment just sort of fell into my lap. My daughter is amazing and is the pride of my life and as a 13 year-old, really doesn't give me any trouble. I'm feeling very content in life and actually learning how to relax and brush things off my shoulders a bit. I've felt a heavy load for many years and I believe it's starting to lighten up. I'm actually sleeping like a baby for the first time in years.

I'm also a big believer in signs and intuition. I don't think we as a human race listen to our guts. Instead we usually ignore the flags and continue on a path of unhappiness. I'm choosing to no longer apologize for what I feel or for what I want out of life. That said, I've been messing around with two ideas: Either going back to school to get a Masters in teaching K-8-Biology or English OR owning my own yarn shop. However, a third factor plays in. I've also entertained the idea of getting my Midwife or Doula certification. So what happens when I take my dog out for a walk last night in the lovely enchanted park behind my apartment building? Seattle's Midwifery School. Smack dab in the middle of beauty. It's a sign. I think I should listen to my instincts and take it for what it is. Decisions, decisions.

Daydream for the day

I keep spacing off into nowhere-land today. An innate desire to be somewhere else, someone else, doing something else. Sometimes it's hard to feel comfortable just where I am. To just be. My daydream today, on this beautiful Fall afternoon is imagining that I am at the Arboretum going barefoot in the grass, walking at a snail's pace, taking in all the sounds, smells of rotting leaves and algae-crusted waters. I want to feel the slight breeze in my hair as I pull it back because it's still a bit too warm out. It's the kind of warm where I can do without a coat, but my nose is freezing and it starts to run, yet I have little beads of sweat from just walking up the hill. To feel as if I have not a care in the world because lately I feel rather anonymous, like the world could easily do without me; but I know my role. I know I belong here and now, be it alone or not. This time of year, I feel very cuddly. This urge to cuddle up to someone I care about and just be. Maybe someday that will happen again. For now, I have enjoy the cold alone, the grass alone, the smells alone. I think it's a strength in being a woman. It builds character. I never used to think so, but somethings change and so have I.

Moving Day

Moving day has happened..with few casualties. Wake up to an inordinately early alarm, drag my daughter to her ultimate frisbee games. Taking score so that she can properly do Monday announcements for her team. A brutal team they played at that. Never saw so many kids down. They lost by one point. So moving was postponed until 1 pm. My mother and her husband make an appearance at around 12:30. I suggest that the U-haul truck be parked in the driveway. Oh, wait, I don't SEE a U-haul truck. I'm thinking to myself as I calmly look the other way to avoid any unwanted glares, "Where the F*@! is my truck!" My mother, a small town gal, thinks that she can get a U-haul on the morning of the move. I shake my head in utter disbelief and say, "Mom, you can't get anything in this city the same day!" So, downtrodden she goes off to try to find another truck. Meanwhile, I'm in the desolate living room that used to be my living space and speedily click away on Google trying to find a truck. Bam! did and done. Thank you Budget Rentals.

Moving begins. My sister, bless her sweet little boot-camp soul, starts hauling boxes out to the garage. She is a mere blur as she swiftly moves from room to room. Then stares at me in the face on occasion in a moment of heart-felt love and grabs me and says, "I love you! I love your face!" Ahh...my sister. Other times weren't so nicey-nicey. Like, "Let's do this thing!" The one and only. No slackin' with this chick! She is kicking my ass all over the place and taking names! Did I mention that I love her?!

So my mom's husband brings the wrapping materials. Super-heavy-industrial-strength Saran wrap. Heavy sucker too. Well, I nearly pee my pants trying to wrap my couch because it's harder than it looks! So out of breath, crying from laughing so hard and my daughter just looking at us like we are all insane...and she would be fairly accurate.

Suffice it to say, it took us all day to do this. One truck load, a few Volvo wagon loads later, (I felt like the Ikea commercial) and my sister's boyfriend's assistance with his truck and we are moved. Only one casualty; my yarn shelf. Cracked in half. But, there are other shelves in this world. I shall find the right one again soon.

All in all, a good day. Exhausting day. It must be said that I am forever grateful for all the help my mom, her husband, my sister and her boyfriend put into this move. They are truly my dearest family and I love them all. Greg, you deserve a thank-you too. He had my daughter and I over for dinner last night for some REAL food. Turkey, potatoes, brussel sprouts, dark chocolate, Vodka Tonic and a fire to warm my toes. I think this has been a good move and I'm looking forward, thinking forward and holding onto any bit of hope that comes my way. What a way to end an amazing weekend and a hope for better times ahead.

friends

It's funny that in times of need, you find out who your friends and family really are. It's really too bad that I have to wait until I'm in need of help or in a dire situation, or crying or something all-time dramatic and then they all start coming out of the woodwork. And it always surprises me. The most unexpected people offer support and kindness. I am moving this weekend and I don't have to stress how much of a burden, although a good one, it is. It's just an ordeal no matter who you are. People who I thought were my friends, nothing. People who are mere acquaintances, offered. Even my boss offered me the company hand-truck! One good thing out of this revelation, once again, is that I know who I can count on to be there through thick AND thin and the best part, is I get to be there for them too.

Thank you to all who have wished me well in the move and offered to help.

Changes

Going about the many places I have to go every week, it's interesting just in my ten years of living in Seattle, the small changes in scenery. The ugly condos going up everywhere I turn. The same riff-raff that litters our streets where I work. The dependable bus system that someone somewhere has called one of the best in the country (not sure that is true) But one thing I noticed the other day was this older man that jaywalked across the street as I drove by. He was the same homeless man that I used to see on a daily basis when I went to school at the UW. I'd catch the bus everyday after classes on the Ave and he would be roaming his "territory." I often wondered what his story was. Why he ended up cold, hungry, alone. His care-worn face and dirty nails, always the same. Though a poor student (and still poor) I would always give him my spare change and smile. After all, that's all they want, a smile, a nod, maybe even a conversation which I'd give him too. He would gladly accept and go get a cup of coffee at the local European deli. It didn't matter if he was there on his own volition or if society had forced him to be homeless. I didn't care. Seeing him the other day made my heart ache because there he was, in the same area, same face, just a few more lines, and still homeless. It's strange how so much changes, yet some things always stay the same.

"Is that a geoduck in your pocket or are you just glad sashimi?"

DIRTY

You know, sometimes I just need a good belly laugh. A raucous, I don't-care-how-silly-I-look-laugh. I had that last night. My daughter curled up on the couch with me and we watched Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe. I was laughing so hard, I had tears in my eyes. I love it! Good family fun and a little education on the side does the trick. Can't wait for new episodes! His Rowe-isms are great! (see above) That cute smile of his and just all around well....nice. Is he single?

Song of the day....

Passenger Seat - Death Cab for Cutie

This song makes me happy for some reason. It sounds monumentally depressing, but it's really a hopeful, lovely song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy8m90clHgw

I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

"do they collide?"
I ask and you smile.
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter.

When you feel embarrassed then i'll be your pride
When you need directions then i'll be the guide
For all time.
For all time.