The Happiest Hooker...

Well, maybe. I'm a knitter. I can knit anything I set my heart on, but when it comes to crochet...I might as well be reading Swahili. I guess it's not all that bad. After all, being the fiber enthusiast I am, I should be able to wrestle and wrangle a lil' ol' crochet pattern, right?

I've been knitting for a client of mine for about five years now. I've knit probably 80% of her wardrobe and now, she wants me to crochet a dress. Yes folks, a dress. Now, one might be picturing those lovely vintage magazines our grandmothers had where there were lovely little women in bouffants wearing short little crochet garments. Vintage may be back, but for the love of all that is good, please don't tell me the crocheted dress is back.

The majority of us know what would happen if we were to don a crocheted dress. The rump alone would stretch the poor fabric out and it wouldn't have a chance of succeeding on any body who had a curve to call their own. One must be build like a boy to pull it off. Luckily, my client is very small and very thin and she'll look adorable in it. However, my procrastination on the matter needs attending and my better judgment tells me I can't put this off any longer.

I've spent the past few evenings, looking through the Happy Hooker trying to understand what I'm looking at. Now, my dear crocheters who are laughing at me right now, must understand. It's not the stitch I can't do; it's understanding what I'm looking at and counting said stitches. It's just silly. I teach knitting for crying out loud and I can hardly crochet to save my life! Will the universe ever make sense?

So the past few nights, I've went to my bedroom, put on my earbuds, listened to some Vampire Weekend and crocheted my heart out. That means three rows. I'm looking to get this done by the end of March. I'm sure some of you out there are wagering on this right now. Hint: the probability of it getting done in two weeks is slim to none.

For those who really care: I am using a size F hook and Cascade's Sierra Cotton/Wool. I love, love, love that yarn. Great price for the yardage. Can't go wrong with tried and true Cascade.