Thanksgiving hasn't been my favorite holiday. It just seems an excuse to overeat excessive amounts of sleep-inducing turkey and indulge in one more piece of that pie. Whip cream please.
For me, I never look forward to it. It's just not that big of deal, nor is it historically pleasing.
This time of year also reminds me of how much I need companionship. I like curling up on the couch with someone, holding their hand and just...being. I miss touch, smell and the presence of someone who is right there with me, in all aspects of my life. I remember my first Thanksgiving with my ex-husband. I had decided to forgo the family dinner and make my own. I made a traditional Irish dinner; lamb stew, soda bread, the works. It was by far, the best
Thanksgiving dinner I've ever had. Just my daughter, my husband and me. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not him I miss, it's the idea of him. Times that used to be better.
I've been single for 2 1/2 years now and I'm finding it hard to deal with the fact that I may never share my life with someone again. It's not that I need or have to have someone to be happy; because I don't. I think as humans, we are programmed to "mate" and to be with someone and often times we get a bit panicky or desperate and just settle because the person is just there and it's convenient. I'm just very much in tune with that drive for companionship. It's a bit saddening. I feel complete in the rest of my life, yet find it hard to watch couples kissing or go over to my married, or otherwise involved friends' houses. I'm happy for them, but what have I done to not have that in my life? My default to blame myself is very strong.
In conclusion, this time of year is to celebrate my family, myself and all that I have, not what I don't. I am content...but I can't help but wonder...Is there really someone out there for everyone?
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