It's been a while.

So, my sister and I were talking the other day and I was telling her about this guy I've been seeing. I mentioned that he was in a band and that he was messing around with my daughter's guitar the other evening and I said it sounded very pretty and how I could have listened for hours...then...heaved a big sigh. My sister, darling, darling sister, just rolled her eyes and shook her head like she had all the wisdom in world and said, "Christy, you are a sentimentalist." I said, "No, I'm a hopeless romantic." She informed me that the two are indeed very different. So that provoked a challenge and off to the computer I go to do some research on the two elusive words I no longer really know the meaning of. Here is what I found.

Sentimental:

1. Expressive of or appealing to sentiment, esp. the tender emotions and feelings, as love, pity, or nostalgia: a sentimental song. (Yes, I admit it, I'm a nostalgic) 2. Weakly emotional; mawkishly susceptible or tender. (Weakly emotional? Mawkish? I take personal offense to that. Being sentimental, true, usually only offers complete and utter disappointment, but weak I am not.) Synonyms: Romantic (Aha!), tender (truly I am), nostalgic (yes, a lot and usually with some great mint chocolate chip ice cream), maudlin (That deserves a button) bathetic. Romantic: 1. Ardent, passionate, fervent. (If I am not, then I am not human) 2. Fanciful, impractical, unrealistic, romantic ideas. (I do tend to be unrealistic, but false hope is better than no hope at all) 3. Imbued with or dominated by idealism, a desire for adventure, chivalry, etc. (I am certainly not dominated by idealism, nor adventure because I am a creature of habit and chivalry is for the man in my opinion. I should be the effect of chivalry) 4. Characterized by a preoccupation with love or by the idealizing of love or one's beloved (I tend to be preoccupied by finding love, but it doesn't dominate my days and nights; Once it does, again, mint choco-chip ice-cream usually follows). So based on my findings, I would have to conclude that the two have just as many similarities as differences. However, if I must be put in a box and be labeled and shipped off, then I am a Sentimentalist because I am not: Extravagant, exaggerated, wild, fantastic, improbable nor unreal-as the "people" who define synonyms for Romantic say. What comes to mind is, what do I know anymore about love? I know that I've been divorced twice all before turning 34. I'm a single mother. I've been physically and emotionally abused by both ex-husbands. I've dated many people, dated even married men of which I am not proud of. I've been hurt so badly that I felt my heart was going to literally come out of my chest from such pain. I give myself whole and intensely to those I love. I have poor body image...yet I am a great person with a lot to offer. So what if I get sentimental about the little things? That's what life is all about. I have to hold onto whatever morsel of good I can get my possessive little hands on. Since I was 14, I wanted a husband, children, a house and to live with creativity and compassion. How is it that I've moved away from that goal so drastically? I'm now "seeing" someone, (whatever that means anymore), and don't know what it is I'm supposed to do. I'm just being me and that will have to do. I'm tired of being self-conscious and always wondering and guessing. I was told recently that this society is making it impossible to be romantic. I have to heartily disagree. We make it what we want to. Why should we follow society? There are plenty of romance out there. Sure, it may not come in a nice little neat and perfect package, but it IS out there. I don't want to be the reason someone lives for that is unhealthy. I want to be missed. I want to be needed. I want to be cared for. I want to be included. I want to share happiness. If that makes me a sentimentalist/hopeless romantic, than I'll live longer for it. Is my sister right? Maybe. I for one, am going to grab all I can and hope that I am worth holding on to.